Inside: Thinking about co-sleeping but feeling unsure? I used to feel the same way. I swore I’d never do it, until the exhaustion hit so hard, it became unsafe not to. This post walks you through our journey, the research that changed my mind, and the routines that helped us co-sleep safely. If you’ve ever felt judged or overwhelmed when it comes to sleep decisions, this one’s for you, mama.
Disclaimer: This post shares our personal experience with co-sleeping. We are not medical professionals. All sleep arrangements should be made with safety in mind and in accordance with the recommendations of your healthcare provider.
This post contains Amazon affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase through these links. Thank you for supporting my blog!
“I Said I’d Never Co-sleep…”
Before I had my second baby (almost 11 years after my first), I was fully against co-sleeping. I was flooded with warnings about how dangerous it was. I remember hearing horror stories and scrolling through parenting forums where co-sleeping was almost always followed by a cautionary tale. So, I judged. I assumed anyone who slept with their baby was being reckless. I’m not proud of that, and if you’re reading this as a mom who has felt judged too, I see you now!
The truth is: we need to normalize that mothers know their babies best. Every home, every child, every mother is different. And if a mom is choosing a parenting approach that feels right for her family, it’s likely she’s done the research and weighed the risks. She doesn’t need a stranger’s approval, she needs support.
When Exhaustion Becomes a Danger
Once our second baby arrived, everything I thought I knew about sleep went out the window. I was exclusively breastfeeding and up every hour. I was the only one getting up at night, because I was exclusively breastfeeding. My husband couldn’t help with nighttime feedings, and I didn’t want him to. He drives heavy machinery for work, and the risk of him being sleep-deprived is a risk I’ll never take. He helps on weekends so I can nap, but during the week, I carry the load.
By week four, I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation. I’d jolt awake in a panic, clutching my baby, unsure if I’d fallen asleep mid-feed. The guilt crushed me. I felt like I was failing everyone.
Everyone talks about the dangers of co-sleeping. But no one talks about the danger of moms not sleeping. Sleep deprivation affects your mental health, your milk supply, your ability to function. It’s real. And it’s scary.
I Needed a Better Way
The biggest shift came when I reached out to my sister. She’s a mom of seven and safely co-slept with every one of her babies. Her confidence, her calm, and her experience helped me breathe again. She made me feel like I wasn’t crazy for needing rest.
I also joined a Facebook group called The Happy Co-sleeper’s Community. It was filled with like-minded, thoughtful moms who helped point me to science-backed resources and shared their own stories of safe, intentional co-sleeping. I realized I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t reckless for wanting to explore this option.
We went down the rabbit hole of research. I read studies, talked to professionals, and found out that we are the only mammals who don’t sleep next to our young. Biologically, we’re wired for closeness.
The Emotional Benefits of Cosleeping
There’s something deeply comforting about sleeping beside your baby. You can hear them breathe, know they’re safe and you can respond instantly when they need you.
Co-sleeping didn’t ruin our bond, it strengthened it. I felt more connected. I slept better knowing he was right beside me. And in many ways, it felt like a natural continuation of our breastfeeding journey.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and co-sleeping was the right choice for our family.
What the Research Shows
Studies, including a 2021 study from Frontiers in Psychiatry, show that safe co-sleeping:
- Supports breastfeeding frequency and duration
- Helps regulate baby’s breathing and stress
- Synchronizes mom and baby’s sleep cycles
- Builds emotional security and bonding
For me, this research was the turning point. I desperately needed sleep, I wasn’t the wife and mother I wanted to be, but I didn’t want to co-sleep recklessly, I wanted to do it intentionally, with safety at the forefront.
Our Safe Co-Sleeping Guideline
Here’s how we’ve created a safe, peaceful sleep space in our home:
- Baby sleeps on a firm mattress next to me, not between us
- We are pretty strait laced, we don’t ever smoke, drink alcohol, or anything like that
- We use sleep sacks for the babies instead of blankets
- No pillows or stuffed animals near baby
- I keep a nightlight on for visibility
- We never co-sleep on a couch or recliner
- Baby sleeps on their back, beside me and not on me
Our Bedtime Routine
Now with our third baby here and almost a month old, we have continued to co-sleep. Every night, we follow the same routine. I give our newborn a calming lotion massage, dress her in a sleep sack, and nurse her using a boppy. Once she starts to doze, I lay her beside me on her back, and we drift off together. My toddler still co-sleeps to fall asleep, and daddy helps with his bedtime bath, books and cuddles before quietly slipping out.
It’s calm. It’s nurturing. And we all wake up rested, not panicked or empty.
Favorite Products That Help Us Co-Sleep Safely
Here are the items that made this transition easier (affiliate links- but products I actually use myself):
- Baby bassinet bedside sleeper – Great for supervised rest, I can easily reach over and pat her to calm her
- Love to Dream Swaddle – I LOVE these, newborns have that jolt where they feel like they are falling, and it wakes them up, but these swaddles help prevent that. I never see a baby as calm as they are when they are in these.
- Sleep Sacks – These are great lightweight sleep sacks that prevent them from being overheated but also keep them warm without the use of a blanket.
- Sound Machine and Night Light – This is a must. We’ve had ours for 2 years now and it is still going strong. The red light is the best for making baby still visible at night, but it’s not too distracting like the white or blue lights.
I include these products because they brought me peace of mind, and I want the same for you!
To the Mom Who is Struggling
You are not failing. You are exhausted.
You are doing the best you can with what you have.
And that’s enough.
I hope this gave you permission to trust your gut, and peace in knowing you’re not alone.
Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself, Mama
Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone and that’s okay.
But if you’re struggling, exhausted, and feel like you’re barely holding it together, know that there are safe, beautiful ways to rest and bond with your baby. You deserve to sleep. You deserve to feel peace. And you have every right to make informed choices for your family, even if they don’t align with mainstream messaging.
We co-sleep safely in our home, and we thrive because of it.
You can too, if and when it feels right for you.
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